The quest to look for the next good burger continues in Portland. Megan knew just the place, Stoopid Burger. I thought the name is really funny but did not think hard of the connotation. Maybe the owners imagined themselves to have a weird sense of humor? See, I like to divide burgers into two categories. The first group consists of the classic burger, and those that try to improve on that formula. These burgers are simpler and might one or two secret ingredients to stand out from the pack. Some examples are sliders from White Castles, fast food burgers from various outlets (including In-N-out and Shake Shack), and the default burger in most restaurants. This is the type of burger I typically look for. Judging these burgers is a pretty straight forward task. Were the patties fresh and not frozen? Does the flavor of the beef carry the burger? Then, there is the fun category of burgers. We are talking about creative ways to be put onto a foodie’s radar. Techniques such as using donuts for buns, hilariously large burgers, and the use of weird ingredients are usually employed to engineer these Frankenstein’s. These latter group of burgers targets those who just wants a mad challenge, and the young chill crowd who want a good time on a weekend. Stoopid burger falls dead center in this group.
To say we chose a good day to visit Stoopid might be an overstatement. Even though there were only street parking around the restaurant, but Portland has been poured on the last few days, and I had the feeling that the crowd does not show up until much later in the night, so we managed to find a spot near the restaurant. We ran through the rain and found Stoopid burger to have a very small seating area inside. The patio seemed much more comfortable, alas, there was no way we would torture ourselves by sitting under the cold, dark and wet sky. Moreover, they did not turn on the heater in the restaurant. The entire shop was warmed by only a space heater. Like I said earlier, the Stoopid crowd are most likely those that just had a hard night partying and looking for a “fulfilling” snack. The menu is much simpler than it looks. There are 3 classic sizes that are listed with condescending names like “getting there”, and you could add any toppings to them. The main show here is to order the signature burgers, such as putting peanut butter in the burger, or like the table next to us – ordering a $50 burger. Is it even a burger at that point? Because it was made of three burgers stacked on top of each other, held together with a stick. I was not very experimental today, and ordered the Stoopid burger, whereas Megan added Doritos chips into her otherwise classic burger.
I might have sounded disappointed, but my mood peaked up when I noticed that the cook was using fresh patties on the grill. That’s a very promising sign. As much as fun burgers are all about the surprises, they still have to taste good. In my opinion, the flavors in these fun burgers are usually dominated by something else other than the beefy flavors, which removes the primary reason that I crave in a burger. To see that Stoopid burger still have the highest respect to the beef patties melted my heart a little. The wait was long because the previous order was that enormous $40 burger. The cook even came out and talked to the family that ordered it. He must be really proud of his creation.
Our burgers came out looking pretty and did not look “fun”, sitting on top of checkered sheets in plastic baskets. I didn’t even realize they contained more than the typical fillings until I checked under the hood. These burgers are loaded with all the goodies – my Stoopid burger came with so much processed meat that anyone who eats this deserves a special lane to hell. One bite into the burger explodes into the greatest umami flavor of the 20th century. How could anyone ever fuck up links, and ham, and egg, top with fresh beef? This was not the typical burger, and the flavor was dominated by sodium and fats. I could not taste the beef even if I tried, yet, this was amazing. Drunks would have a great time here but eating sober would prove that these burgers do mean serious business. Even Megan agreed that my burger was amazing.
Stoopid Burger does offer the simple classic burger, and it definitely have potential to be great. To judge a burger joint, I should come back and have the boring burger, just to see how good it can be without the extra toppings. (As of this posting, Stoopid Burger plan to close by the end of the month… I guess there is no next time?) In the meantime, anyone should come for the experience of ordering great burgers. There are a lot of gimmicks, and the restaurant looks like some psychedelic painter had a vision of sesame street cross with that fast food cartoon on adult swim in the 2010s. Underneath this layer of craziness, there is some serious substance. The creative endeavor on these burgers are excellent, and do not worry. Come, and experience the stoopidity yourself. Nobody would mind if you make yourself a fool here.
Visited: Jan 10th, 2020 at 19:30 pm for dinner.
Address: 2329 NE Glisan St.